As I draw closer to God, I am more and more disappointed in myself. It is so difficult to take a close look at myself and honestly admit my faults. But this is what happens when I step into the Light. I shouldn't be surprised. The Light is shining on areas that I haven't wanted to look closely at before. It is so much easier to make excuses for my behavior. I used to say things like, "That's just the way I am. Nobody is perfect, right? It's not really a big deal anyway."
The truth hurts. It is uncomfortable to look at myself like this. I know the good things I ought to do each day, and yet I end up doing the very things I hate. It is a comfort to me that the Apostle Paul struggled with the same thing. In Romans 7 he says, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing...What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
If there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, then the purpose of the Light revealing our very sinfulness is not to shame us. It brings glory to God when we confess our sin. When we keep our sins hidden and secret, then we are unknowingly imprisoning ourselves. Confession of sin breaks its power over us.
It goes against our very nature to admit weaknesses and faults, but that is exactly why it glorifies God. Jesus said that the Holy Spirit in us would convict the world of sin and righteousness and judgement (John 16:8). By confessing my sin to someone, instead of justifying it like I want to, I inadvertently encourage the other person to do the same. It creates a cascading effect of honestly and openness. I don't have to point out any one else's sin. I just have to be honest about my own sin, and the Holy Spirit does the rest of the work.
So my conclusion is that the daily struggle with my own sin is necessary. This struggle reminds me of my dependence on God and how easily I can slip into old behaviors if I am not vigilant. And by confessing this struggle to other believers, I am able to be held accountable for my actions as well as provoking them to righteousness.
The goal is not to eliminate all sin. This struggle will not go away until I have left this fallen world. So if I ever get to the place where I am unaware of any sin in my life, I can be sure that I am no longer on the right path.
